"Back to Work After Baby? Why It’s Time to Ditch the 'Have It All' Myth
The Return Reset: Rethinking “Having It All” as a Working Mum
In today’s demanding world, the pressure to “have it all” often feels not only overwhelming but downright unsustainable. As working mums, many of us feel 'golden handcuffed' to our jobs—dual incomes keep households afloat—even as we strive to nurture our creative souls and honour our evolving identities. It’s time to challenge the narrative and embrace what I call the Return Reset: a deliberate pause to reassess our priorities, recognise our growth, and redefine success on our own terms.
The Dual-Income Dilemma and the Pressure to Perform
For countless families, maintaining a dual income is not a luxury—it’s a lifeline. Despite this reality, the prevailing expectation remains that we must show up 100% of the time at work while simultaneously managing the full-time responsibilities of motherhood. This double burden often forces us to sacrifice our well-being and creative pursuits.
Yet, as Brené Brown reminds us in The Gifts of Imperfection, creativity isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s a crucial part of our emotional well-being. Engaging in creative activities like writing, painting, or even gardening isn’t about productivity; it’s about processing emotions, reducing stress, and reconnecting with ourselves. Creativity allows us to access a different part of our identity—one that isn’t defined by productivity or caregiving but by expression, joy, and personal fulfilment. When we allow space for creativity, we nurture our resilience, which is essential for navigating the complexities of working motherhood.
The Stark Reality of Maternity Discrimination
According to Pregnant Then Screwed’s Career Shredder campaign, up to 74,000 women in the UK lose their jobs annually due to pregnancy or maternity leave—a staggering 37% increase since 2016. This isn’t just a statistic; it’s a stark reflection of a system that penalises women for prioritising family. The impact on the workforce is profound, as the loss of these 74,000 jobs annually not only undermines the contributions of skilled professionals but also stifles diversity and innovation, leaving industries poorer for it."
The Careers After Babies report by We Are The City further highlights the persistent barriers working mothers face. Many encounter stalled career progression, reduced leadership opportunities, and the pervasive "motherhood penalty" that undermines their contributions in the workplace. Research from the Institute for Fiscal Studies also reveals that higher-paid mothers are disproportionately likely to leave paid work post-childbirth compared to their counterparts, underscoring how deeply ingrained these challenges are.
Embracing the Return Reset
So, what is the Return Reset? It’s a call to reimagine our careers not as rigid ladders to be climbed relentlessly, but as fluid flight paths, adjusting course as we evolve. After having a baby, our perspectives and priorities shift. We develop new strengths, reassess what truly matters, and often crave a way to contribute financially that aligns with our values and evolving sense of self.
The Return Reset is about creating the space to ask: How have I changed? How do I want to show up now—in my career, at home, and in the community? It’s about making room for self-reflection, creativity, and well-being. Whether that means carving out time for a creative passion (and perhaps even monetising it) or advocating for flexible working arrangements, the Return Reset is about designing a life that works for you.
Charting a New Course for the Future
Real change requires a collective shift—both individually and within workplaces. Employers and policymakers must step up by implementing:
• Affordable Childcare: Subsidised, high-quality childcare can ease financial pressure and allow mothers to pursue meaningful careers without relentless sacrifice. • Flexible Working Arrangements: Enabling parents to balance professional and personal responsibilities without guilt or burnout. • Enhanced Parental Leave Policies: Extending equitable leave for both parents helps redistribute caregiving duties and reduces the career penalties faced by mothers. • Supportive Workplace Cultures: Recognising the unique skills and leadership potential of working mothers fosters an environment where they can thrive professionally and personally.
The Reality Check We All Need
The idea that we must "have it all" is not only unrealistic—it’s harmful. The data is clear: systemic barriers continue to erode the career prospects of working mothers, while outdated definitions of success leave many feeling burnt out and unfulfilled.
That’s why I started my podcast—to have real conversations about the thrills and turbulence of returning to work. The truth is, this journey looks different for everyone. That’s why we need to come off autopilot and take the driving seat. But how can we do that if we don’t know what we need or want?
The system is challenging, and while we can’t change everything overnight, we can decide what’s within our control and influence. By acknowledging what truly matters to us—whether that’s career progression, flexibility, or creative fulfilment—we can take intentional steps towards a future that works for us. It’s not about doing more, but about making choices that align with who we are now.
🎙️This is exactly the kind of conversation we explore on Mama’s Flight Path—a space to talk openly about what it really means to return to work after motherhood. Listen in, join the conversation, or if you have a perspective to share, come on as a guest—I’d love to hear your story.
Data Sources: Pregnant Then Screwed’s "Career Shredder" campaign, Careers After Babies Report by We Are The City, and related UK research studies
Love and kindness
Jools