"Back to Work After Baby? Why It’s Time to Ditch the 'Have It All' Myth
The Return Reset: Rethinking “Having It All” as a Working Mum
In today’s demanding world, the pressure to “have it all” often feels not only overwhelming but downright unsustainable. As working mums, many of us feel 'golden handcuffed' to our jobs—dual incomes keep households afloat—even as we strive to nurture our creative souls and honour our evolving identities. It’s time to challenge the narrative and embrace what I call the Return Reset: a deliberate pause to reassess our priorities, recognise our growth, and redefine success on our own terms.
The Dual-Income Dilemma and the Pressure to Perform
For countless families, maintaining a dual income is not a luxury—it’s a lifeline. Despite this reality, the prevailing expectation remains that we must show up 100% of the time at work while simultaneously managing the full-time responsibilities of motherhood. This double burden often forces us to sacrifice our well-being and creative pursuits.
Yet, as Brené Brown reminds us in The Gifts of Imperfection, creativity isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s a crucial part of our emotional well-being. Engaging in creative activities like writing, painting, or even gardening isn’t about productivity; it’s about processing emotions, reducing stress, and reconnecting with ourselves. Creativity allows us to access a different part of our identity—one that isn’t defined by productivity or caregiving but by expression, joy, and personal fulfilment. When we allow space for creativity, we nurture our resilience, which is essential for navigating the complexities of working motherhood.
The Stark Reality of Maternity Discrimination
According to Pregnant Then Screwed’s Career Shredder campaign, up to 74,000 women in the UK lose their jobs annually due to pregnancy or maternity leave—a staggering 37% increase since 2016. This isn’t just a statistic; it’s a stark reflection of a system that penalises women for prioritising family. The impact on the workforce is profound, as the loss of these 74,000 jobs annually not only undermines the contributions of skilled professionals but also stifles diversity and innovation, leaving industries poorer for it."
The Careers After Babies report by We Are The City further highlights the persistent barriers working mothers face. Many encounter stalled career progression, reduced leadership opportunities, and the pervasive "motherhood penalty" that undermines their contributions in the workplace. Research from the Institute for Fiscal Studies also reveals that higher-paid mothers are disproportionately likely to leave paid work post-childbirth compared to their counterparts, underscoring how deeply ingrained these challenges are.
Embracing the Return Reset
So, what is the Return Reset? It’s a call to reimagine our careers not as rigid ladders to be climbed relentlessly, but as fluid flight paths, adjusting course as we evolve. After having a baby, our perspectives and priorities shift. We develop new strengths, reassess what truly matters, and often crave a way to contribute financially that aligns with our values and evolving sense of self.
The Return Reset is about creating the space to ask: How have I changed? How do I want to show up now—in my career, at home, and in the community? It’s about making room for self-reflection, creativity, and well-being. Whether that means carving out time for a creative passion (and perhaps even monetising it) or advocating for flexible working arrangements, the Return Reset is about designing a life that works for you.
Charting a New Course for the Future
Real change requires a collective shift—both individually and within workplaces. Employers and policymakers must step up by implementing:
• Affordable Childcare: Subsidised, high-quality childcare can ease financial pressure and allow mothers to pursue meaningful careers without relentless sacrifice. • Flexible Working Arrangements: Enabling parents to balance professional and personal responsibilities without guilt or burnout. • Enhanced Parental Leave Policies: Extending equitable leave for both parents helps redistribute caregiving duties and reduces the career penalties faced by mothers. • Supportive Workplace Cultures: Recognising the unique skills and leadership potential of working mothers fosters an environment where they can thrive professionally and personally.
The Reality Check We All Need
The idea that we must "have it all" is not only unrealistic—it’s harmful. The data is clear: systemic barriers continue to erode the career prospects of working mothers, while outdated definitions of success leave many feeling burnt out and unfulfilled.
That’s why I started my podcast—to have real conversations about the thrills and turbulence of returning to work. The truth is, this journey looks different for everyone. That’s why we need to come off autopilot and take the driving seat. But how can we do that if we don’t know what we need or want?
The system is challenging, and while we can’t change everything overnight, we can decide what’s within our control and influence. By acknowledging what truly matters to us—whether that’s career progression, flexibility, or creative fulfilment—we can take intentional steps towards a future that works for us. It’s not about doing more, but about making choices that align with who we are now.
🎙️This is exactly the kind of conversation we explore on Mama’s Flight Path—a space to talk openly about what it really means to return to work after motherhood. Listen in, join the conversation, or if you have a perspective to share, come on as a guest—I’d love to hear your story.
Data Sources: Pregnant Then Screwed’s "Career Shredder" campaign, Careers After Babies Report by We Are The City, and related UK research studies
Love and kindness
Jools
What’s Matrescence got to do with it?!
There’s a moment—maybe it happens in the middle of the night, cradling your baby in the dark, or maybe it hits when you are sat on the floor singing along to The Wiggles while squeezing expensive looking ‘dog’ toys —when you realise you are not the same person anymore.
It’s not just the sleepless nights or the new responsibilities. Something deeper has shifted. Your brain feels different. Your priorities have rearranged themselves in ways you never expected. The world around you looks the same, but you are not the same.
Not completely different, but not quite the old you either.
Anthropologist Dana Raphael calls it matrescence—the process of becoming a mother. Like adolescence, it’s a period of profound physical, emotional and cognitive change. Scientists have even found that a mother’s brain physically restructures, with reductions in grey matter in areas linked to social cognition—likely to sharpen maternal instincts and deepen bonding (Source: Nature).
Hormones like oxytocin surge, strengthening the bond with your baby. Meanwhile, estrogen and progesterone levels plummet, sometimes leaving you feeling emotionally unsteady—elated one moment, overwhelmed the next (Source: Elpasis).
And then, just as you start to adjust to this new version of yourself, another change looms: returning to work.
The Rollercoaster of Returning
For many mamas, going back to work brings a mix of emotions—excitement, relief, anxiety, guilt.
Excitement because you get to reclaim a part of yourself—the part that thrives on adult conversation, challenges, and, let’s be honest, coffee that’s still hot. I personally couldn’t wait for someone to tell me I was doing a good job again—because let’s face it, babies aren’t exactly known for letting you know your contribution was valued.
But then there’s the guilt. The heart-wrenching drop in your stomach as you leave your baby at nursery for the first time. The self-doubt—Can I still do my job as well as before (I turned up to work with T shirt on back to front today so I still question myself!) What if my priorities have changed too much?
And let’s not forget the sheer logistics of it all—meetings, deadlines, childcare pickups, the constant mental load of remembering what pack, not just ofr yourself but your small human too and how will I ever get to work on time?!
You’re not alone in feeling this way. Studies show that more than 80% of working mamas struggle with their return, often citing a lack of support from their employers (Source: HR BREW). Another 31% find it harder than expected (Source: Springer Healthcare IME), and 1 in 10 mamas return within four months simply because of financial pressures (Source: The Independent).
Rewriting the Flight Plan
Here’s the truth: Returning to work after baby isn’t about “going back” to who you were before. It’s about stepping forward—into the new, expanded version of yourself and refining success.
And that’s where Mama’s Flightpath comes in.
This podcast isn’t just about returning to work - it’s about finding a way forward that works for you. Through expert conversations, real-life stories, and coaching tools, this podcast is here to help you navigate this transition with confidence and clarity.
If you’re wondering, What’s next for me?—you’re in the right place. Because while matrescence shakes everything up, it also hands you a rare opportunity: to build a career and life that truly fit the person you’re becoming
With 75.6% of U.K mamas in work, reaching its highest in 20 years you are not flying solo . Let’s navigate it together.
What’s Next?
🎙️ In upcoming blogs and podcast episodes, we’ll be diving into real return-to-work stories, tackling topics like career confidence, identity shifts, navigating the mental load alongside tools so you can navigate your flight path.
🦩 I’d love to hear from you! What’s been your biggest challenge in returning to work? Drop a comment or message me—I want to make sure Mama’s Flight Path reflects the real stories of working mums.
Here’s to flying high and shining bright together.
Love and kindness
Jools
Going Back to Work After Maternity Leave: What to Expect
Returning to work after having a baby is often described as a “juggle”, a “balancing act”, or even a “marathon”—but let’s be real. Sometimes, it feels more like stepping into turbulence without a seatbelt.
One moment, you’re navigating nap schedules and nappy changes, and the next, you’re expected to switch into work mode, ready to perform as if you haven’t just undergone one of the biggest identity shifts of your life.
For many of us, it’s not just about logistics like childcare drop-offs, sleep deprivation, and figuring out how to make a cup of tea without reheating it five times. It’s also about rediscovering who we are in our careers now, what we want from work, and how to manage the weight of expectations—our own, our employers’, and society’s.
And here’s the thing: not every mother’s return-to-work experience is the same.
Some of us step back in with confidence, while others grapple with self-doubt. Some of us have supportive employers, while others face rigid policies that make flexible work feel like a career dead-end. Some of us have partners, family, or financial support, while others are navigating this alone.
This is where the concept of intersectionality comes in. And trust me, even if you’ve never heard of the word before, it might just help make sense of why some of us face bigger barriers than others.
What is Intersectionality (and Why Should Mamas Care)?
Intersectionality is a term coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, a legal scholar, to explain how different parts of our identity overlap to shape our experiences of privilege or discrimination.
Most of us don’t fit into just one identity box. We’re not just “mothers.” We’re also employees, partners, business owners, daughters, caregivers, women of colour, neurodivergent, single, middle-class, working-class—the list goes on.
And these layers don’t exist separately—they interact.
For example, two mothers returning to work might both struggle with mum guilt and career confidence, but their challenges could look completely different depending on their personal circumstances:
A mum working part-time in a male-dominated industry may face career stagnation, while a mum in a female-led workplace might find more support.
A single mother without a strong support system may have fewer choices when it comes to flexible work, compared to a mother with a partner who can share responsibilities.
A woman of color returning to work may have to navigate not just motherhood bias, but also racial bias in her workplace.
A mum with a disability may find that workplace policies aren’t built to accommodate both her accessibility needs and her caregiving responsibilities.
In short: motherhood isn’t a single experience—it’s shaped by everything else we carry.
Understanding intersectionality helps us see why some mothers struggle more than others when returning to work—not because they aren’t strong, ambitious, or capable, but because the systems around them weren’t built with their reality in mind.
Why This Matters for Working Mums
Too often, return-to-work support focuses on generic advice:
💡 “Just be more confident.”
💡 “Ask for flexibility.”
💡 “Lean in.”
But what if your workplace sees flexibility as a lack of ambition?
What if your confidence has taken a hit because you’ve been out of the workforce for years?
What if your biggest barrier isn’t self-belief, but a system that wasn’t built for mothers at all?
This is why Mama’s Flight Path exists—to acknowledge the real complexities of returning to work and help you find your own way forward, based on your unique circumstances, values, and ambitions.
Whether you’re full of career fire or still figuring out what you want, whether you’re returning to the same job or starting from scratch, whether you’re thriving or just surviving—you’re not alone.
What’s Next?
🎙️ In upcoming blogs and podcast episodes, we’ll be diving into real return-to-work stories, tackling topics like career confidence, identity shifts, navigating the mental load alongside tools so you can navigate your flight path.
🦩 I’d love to hear from you! What’s been your biggest challenge in returning to work? Drop a comment or message me—I want to make sure Mama’s Flight Path reflects the real stories of working mums.
Here’s to flying high and shining bright together.
Love and kindness
Jools